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Innocent fun, suitable for kids and dummies.
Least Faithful Animal
Todays special--bilingual border jokes.
UNFAITHFUL ANIMAL?
¿Cual es el animal mas infiel?
El pato, porque siempre anda con dos patas.
TRANSLATION:
What is the most unfaithful animal?
What is the most unfaithful animal?
The duck, because it always walks around with two patas
EXPLANATION:
Pata means "foot" or "paw", but would also be the feminine of pato--"duck".
(For some reason, when you ask Mexicanas, "¿Qual es el animal mas infiel?", the majority say, "¡El hombre!")
WHAT SAY?
Un Tejano entra un bordel en Ciudad Juarez y espia una rebuena muchachona trabajando. Acerca a ella y dice, "Honey, I want to go to bed with you."Ella, que no entiende ni marta del "inglesito" dice, "¿Mánde?"
Contesta el caliente Tejano, "Hell, no...today!"
TRANSLATION:
A Texan walks into a brothel in Juarez and sees a real hottie working there. He approaches her and says, "Honey, I want to go to bed with you."
She, not speaking a word of English, says, "Huh?"
The horny Texan replies, "Hell, no...today!"
Ruquín is a form of ruco, meaning "old".
Ricardo means "rich" or a rich man.
A Texan walks into a brothel in Juarez and sees a real hottie working there. He approaches her and says, "Honey, I want to go to bed with you."
She, not speaking a word of English, says, "Huh?"
The horny Texan replies, "Hell, no...today!"
EXPLANATION:
Obviously the joke is on the pun between the Spanish mánde (the Mexican way to say "Huh?" or "Say what?") and the English word "Monday".
But slang fans will also note rebuena for "way good looking"; the augmentative muchachona which implies the muchacha is a working girl, or at least pretty upfront; ni marta meaning "not one little bit"; caliente to mean "horny" and the cutesy diminutive inglesito for ingles.
Obviously the joke is on the pun between the Spanish mánde (the Mexican way to say "Huh?" or "Say what?") and the English word "Monday".
But slang fans will also note rebuena for "way good looking"; the augmentative muchachona which implies the muchacha is a working girl, or at least pretty upfront; ni marta meaning "not one little bit"; caliente to mean "horny" and the cutesy diminutive inglesito for ingles.
SAY WHAT?
Chato y Chucho quieren pasar "mojaditos" al "otro lado", pero al llegar ala frontera, encuentran un cerco de alambre.
Despues de pensar un poco, dice Chato, "Oye, Chucho. Si yo levanta el alambre, tu puedes pasar por abajo y despues lo levantas tu, para que yo tambien pueda pasar."
Depues de pensar un poco, Chuco dice, "Tienes razon. Tons que, levantamelo."
Entonces, Chato levanta el alambre y Chucho pasa abajo y alcance el otro lado. Pero, en vez de levantar el alambre, Chucho no mas para, mirando a todo, sin hacer ni decir nada.
Chato le dice, "Oye, Chucho, ya levanta el alambre, asi yo podria pasar." Pero Chucho no mas sigue mirando a todos lados, sin mover ni hablar.
Entonces Chato, muy molesta, grita fuerte, "Oye, pendejo, ¿ porque no levantas el alambre, asi que you tambien podria pasar la frontera?"
Lentamente, Chucho hace una vuelta, y le mira y dice, "What?"
TRANSLATION:
Chato and Chucho want to cross as "wetbacks" to the "other side", but when they get to the border, there's a wire fence.
After thinking it over, Chato says, "Listen, Chucho. If I lift up the wire, you can go under it, then lift it up so I can get under."
After thinking a little, Chucho agrees, "You're right. Okay then, lift it for me."
So Chato lifts the wire and Chucho gets under it and makes it to the U.S. side. But instead of lifting the wire for Chato, he just stands there, looking around without saying or doing anything.
Chato says, "Hey, Chucho, lift the wire for me so I can get across." But Chucho just keeps looking around without moving or speaking.
So Chato, really upset, yells, "Hey, turkey, why aren't you lifting the wire up so I can get across the border too?"
Slowly, Chucho turns to look at him and says, "What?"...in English.
EL TRATAMIENTO
Despues de casarse con un ruquín ricardo, la sexisima chava regresa de la luna de miel y todas las amigas la reciben con una fiesta.
Despues de casarse con un ruquin ricardo, la sexisima chava regresa de la luna de miel y todas las amigas la reciben con una fiesta.
Dice ella, "Qué emoción, gracias manitas!", pero ellas inmediamente preguntan, "Rapido, dinos Qué tal te fue?"
"Uy, de pelicula!" contesta, "Fuimos a un crucero por el caribe y conocí paradisiacas islas. Fuimos a Nueva York donde me llenó de joyas y ropa cara!"
Pero gritan las amigas, "Eso no nos importa! Queremos saber, Como te fue en el sexo?"
"Ah, en lo sexual," dice sonriendo la muchacha, "Bueno, como ya está un poco viejo, estamos en tratamiento."
"Eh?" y "Ah, si?" dicen la amigas, "Como está eso?"
"Simple," contesta la recien casada, El trata, yo miento."
THE TREATMENT
After getting married to a "golden oldie", the sexy chick returns from her honeymoon and all her friends throw her a party.
She says, "How wonderful, thanks girls," but they immediately ask, "Quick, tell us, how was it?"
"Oh, like a movie," she answers, "We went on a cruise ship to the Caribbean and I saw some island paradises. Then we went to New York, where he covered me with jewels and expensive clothes."
But her pals yell, "We don't care about that! We want to know how was the sex?"
"Ah, the sexual aspects," says the girl, smiling, "Well, since he's a little old, we're in treatment."
"Oh?" and "What?" say her friends, "What's that all about?"
"Simple," says the newlywed, "He tries, I lie."
Ruquín is a form of ruco, meaning "old".
Ricardo means "rich" or a rich man.
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